As this month draws to a close, many of us have already appreciated some warmer weather – I know you spring-sport athletes have enjoyed it – and I’m finally able to relax a minute while my school district is on Spring Break.  You may not have realized nor remember the incident itself, but the 13th of March marked the 10 year anniversary of the Duke Lacrosse case.  Members of the Duke University Men’s Lacrosse team stood trial for rape of a “dancer” (aka stripper) hired on that date in 2006 to attend, no, “work?” an off-campus party.  They were found not guilty of rape.

I think like a collegiate athlete turned coach and educator.  I’m passionate and motivated.  I’m not an excuse-maker so I won’t make any now.  I’ve overcome a thing or two in my life, nothing of great magnitude when compared to others,  still, there are things with which I’ve had to contend; sometimes in my own mind and because of my own doing.  Perhaps this is why I find myself enjoying ESPN’s “30 for 30.”  An original series, “30 for 30” highlights adversity and its defeat, the surmounting come-up or rise of a particular athlete or team.  I happened to catch Fantastic Lies, a recent episode regarding Crystal Mangum’s lawsuit against the Duke players for rape and sexual misconduct.

I was greatly moved by what I saw and heard.  And the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.  While it’s interesting that the 10-year post party marker coincided with my intent to write this blog, honestly, it wasn’t part of the initial musings.  What was?  A question:  What can women do to help end sexual exploitation?

As a woman whose conscience has become acutely aware of sex trafficking as a form of modern-day slavery, I’m compelled to be active in modern-day abolition.  As sometimes happens though, I find myself slipping into complacency – it’s a place of denial and comfort – until something serves to remind me that there’s work to be done on behalf of my students, players, and humanity itself, seriously – it’s that heavy – human dignity!  How can I not give the proverbial “110%” I’ve given many times in the past or requested from others for something less important?

Enlightened once again, I truly appreciate any effort to address this darkness.  I recognize the work of International Athletes’ Abolition Mission as more than necessary and applaud its focus of education, service, and support: in, for, and because of the sporting sector!  Through the Mission I continue to gain insight and understanding while firming my resolve to help raise awareness for the cause against sexual exploitation.  IAAM’s work to “end the deMANd fueling sex trafficking” includes “restating and reshaping societal messages and mores with those of a more just and accurate nature.” (IAAM Playbook)  Women, young and old!  This is where we can step it up!

Let’s consider what’s out there – messages in society and what’s deemed acceptable – and be honest!  Have we fallen for the false evidence that’s being presented?  Are we guilty of gullible accomplice?  Would our not guilty to accessory plea stand up?  Our ability to make a difference exists in deMANd; taking away man’s complete culpability and examining our complicity.  Here are 4 suggestions to mitigate self-incrimination due to the “fantastic lies” perpetrated against women.

1.  Know What You Have to Offer – Your total contribution to society is so much more than the sum of your parts.  The lie we’re led to believe is that our greatest asset is to be a sexual being; that our physical parts are of more value than our soul when we consider the sexuality of the whole person.  Our gift to society is that which makes it better, contributing to what is beautiful, right, and just; upholding human dignity.  Don’t become overwhelmed trying to figure out what you have to offer.  A contribution can most likely be found in something about you that you overlook or in what you might take for granted.  Know yourself, and know us – society – to expect and graciously accept something other.

2.  Stay Clear of the “Empowered” Trap – Simply and succinctly put:  If I tell you that you can be empowered by being of use to me or anyone else, and you provide yourself for use, who really has the power?  Be careful not to confuse a temporary feeling of excitement based on whether or not someone’s behavior – which you really can’t control – is feeding some need of yours.  This includes your life on social media as well.  I’ve expressed my concern with female students who suggestively pose and/or wear goodness knows what, then write a provocative caption.  For what? “Likes?”  Women, we’ve let society sell us a bunch of goods.  We’re being dooped into believing we’re empowered when we’re being used.  Avoiding being deceived by the misrepresentation of power means that we can see more clearly how the end user usually has the control; especially in economic situations, which is one reason why an understanding of the next suggestion is so important.

Emotional click description now commander viagra Impact of Repeated Penile Failure Issue in Men Men experiencing impotence condition are seen struggling with various physical conditions. The procedure might take up to 30 to 60 prior minutes launching comprimé vardenafil sexual action.The measurements ought not to increment more than once in a day (24 hours). Endocrine System Diseases Endocrine system diseases and viagra 100mg price disorders are generally categorized into two categories. Home Remedies for Erectile Dysfunction – A better treatment through its different scrumptious flavors, for cialis properien example, mint, orange, strawberry, apple and so on. 3.  Appreciated, Not Consumed – Women, consumption is not the same as appreciation!  When something is appreciated, it is valued beyond its use.  Your value far exceeds your use for someone else to have an orgasm.  As in athletics and art, consider the difference between appreciation and consumption.  In a recent conversation with a student athlete I suggested “Jane (pseudonym), if he wants to appreciate your body in action, ask him to come to the next game.”  Then I proceeded to point out specific notable skills she possessed.  An IAAM blog by Average Joe highlighted this point in February via his remarks regarding the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.  One might also consider it in relation to the porn industry.  It’s a sad point in history when women sometimes willingly subject themselves to objectification because of a lack of clarity – a blurring of the lines between that which is appreciated and that which is consumed – intentionally muddled by a society in which a deplorable industry seeks increased profit and consumers seek to justify their behavior.

4.  #wordsmatter – If an end to sexual exploitation is to erode the commercial sex industry’s link to human sex trafficking “we must actively work to change the societal messages making sexual exploitation o.k. in the minds of some.” (IAAM Playbook)  Women, let’s have a hand in recrafting these messages!  Our words matter!  IAAM’s hashtag campaign is totally accurate and necessary.  Hopefully, it will serve as a reminder and compel us to be mindful of what we say and how we use words.  It’s not o.k. to call each other “bitches” in jest, especially when its connotation is to imply one who is controlled by another (as if a “pimp”).  Understand that a prostitute is someone who’s “prostituted,” and that there’s no such thing as a child-variety, as in a child prostitute.  Pornography would be better known as “crime scene documentation,” “sexual abuse footage,” or simply, “abuse,” and we must cease to legitimize its existence by accepting and categorizing it into genres.  “Gentlemen’s Club” shouldn’t be used to glorify a strip club.  There are many examples of how our choice of words, used over time, play into the psyche of a society and undermine its decency.

 

Our ability to identify and restate the detrimental messages plaguing women is vital to eliminating their negative impact on society.  We can no longer accept professed beliefs rooted in questionable origin, it has become completely necessary to dispel the myths leading to exploitation and the destruction of dignity.  We must also understand that men receive a barrage of incoming messages which they are inclined to believe, and help them separate fact from fiction.  When we do we’ll come to understand how young men with pretty good reputations could so easily be accused and presumed by all to be guilty of rape.  We could also dismantle the fantastic lies that lead college athletes to see hiring a stripper as fair game for downtime.  Women, gullible at best, we’re also responsible for our actions.  We’re responsible  for our enabling behavior as well as for our role as end-users.  There were a couple of women that could be seen at the 2006 party in ESPN’s documentary, and the number of women addicted to porn is on the rise.

Let’s open our eyes and be vigilant about our less-than-helpful attitudes and behavior.  We must understand that men and women are subjected to nefarious societal messages carefully crafted and perpetuated to promote profit and excuse behavior unbecoming.

The Duke Lacrosse players weren’t guilty.  …Of rape.

 

Carrie Lynch is an educator with Guilford County Schools, high school and AAU coach, and Training Specialist with International Athletes’ Abolition Mission.